Liberation in Masculine Form

Tonight we will speak on spirituality and the path to divinity for those in the masculine form. The same topic was given last night for those in the feminine form. What is the path to self-realization and how does it relate to the masculine form? As I told you earlier, the physical form has an impact on only the first three koshas. The causal mind is entirely unaffected by the physical form. So the fact that one has incarnated in male form or female form will have an impact on one’s spiritual development only to a certain degree. Beyond that, there is no difference between male and female. All of these distinctions become entirely irrelevant. For the Self is one undifferentiated. But in the physical body or in the development of the mind in association with the physical body and its evolution, it does make a difference. So the physical body does have some degree of impact on the conscious mind and on the subconscious mind, on the psyche and on the physical form. One’s physical form makes some difference. That is why there are slight differences between those in male form and those in female form regarding their spiritual strengths and their struggles.

For those in male form, those who have come into life at this time and have donned a body of male gender, there are some very great strengths, but certain impediments as well. Much strength for spiritual awakening lies in their cognitive ability and discriminating mind. For those in male form, the tendency is to think in an expansive global way. Unlike females, they do not attract, but are drawn to attraction. Intellect is often very refined and developed and abstract concepts come easily. Along with this there are fewer tendencies to become completely enmeshed in attachment than for those in female form. So this capacity to think objectively without sentimentality and excessive attachment is strength for those in male form and is very, very beneficial to spiritual life because this clear thinking and keen discrimination is an essential element for spiritual development. There is another point, as well, for those in male form. The strength of their will force can be very strong and if properly directed and shot to the goal, that strength of mind, strength of character can go very far. These are very great assets upon the spiritual path and they allow the psychic force to be powerfully directed with viira, with courage, with determination and clarity of mind, unclouded by excessive sentimentality and attachment.

But for every quality or characteristic that has a potential benefit, there may also be a potential hazard. These same qualities of mind may bring a kind of emotional coolness, a difficulty in accessing the feelings and the heart. For those in male form there is a tendency to be somewhat aloof. That is to say, abstract thinking is developed but social communication and engagement with others is often a less developed skill. When teaching, when interacting with others, in certain types of matters regarding work and such, communicative and interactive skills may be there; but when it comes to very personal matters, many men are reluctant to speak with other men. In fact, they would rather speak with women. This is because they feel women have a softer heart and they won’t be as quick to judge them as weak. The woman will be caring, “Oh yes, I understand.” But they feel if they tell another man he will judge them, “Ah, he is not quite as manly as me.” This is the downfall of men, pride. Pride is the real problem, both arrogance and pride.

To protect the image of manliness, there is an unwillingness to expose one’s vulnerability, an unwillingness to allow others to see that there is a little boy who needs to be taken care of, with the exception of perhaps one or two women. It’s alright that they see, but not other men. The wife is allowed to see this, but not other men. With other men one must maintain a façade. One must constantly try to be greater than the other, more manly, more strong. So this capacity for strength is a very great asset on the spiritual path but also a liability. Because of the need to project the image of strength in the social sphere, there comes a lack of capacity to experience one’s vulnerability. Partly this is due to the imposition of culture and partly it is derived from the body itself. The culture tells the man, “You must be the bread winner. You must be strong.” When the wife feels weak and the children have need, it falls on the man’s head and he must provide for them.

But this isn’t a product of culture alone. It is found in all the different societies. It is the duty of the man to go out and hunt, to fend for the family and the children. The men are the warriors, the hunters, the ones who will protect against enemies, who will defend against any adversaries, who bring the game back from the hunt. These duties fall on the men and so they need to be strong. They need to be able to be strong enough to withstand, to endure. In many tribal cultures there are rites of passage that are sometimes quite painful. If the boy cannot endure the pain, he is not considered worthy of being a man. He is tested from the very entry to manhood. Is he brave? Is he strong? Can he endure? So in this way, the man is expected to be strong and when there are such demands for strength, to show any signs of vulnerability and weakness is much more difficult. If one sheds tears, how does this look in a climate where there are such extreme expectations? For thousands of years in many cultures this has been the expectation where men are concerned. For those in male form, territory, possession, and dominance are the issues. They are manly issues, one’s territory, sphere of influence, position of dominance within the hierarchy. That is why for one male to show weakness to another male is very difficult. It is always a contest to see who will be the dominant male. One cannot show weakness because then one will not be the dominant male.

Even though you are cultured men and you feel you do not think this way, still it is there below the surface. Still in the body, in the animal body, these animal instincts exist. These are impulses born of the body. There is a need for dominance and by means of dominance to pass your genetic line through a female to your children. Dominance, territory, possession are strong instincts. They are subterranean and the civilized man may moderate them, but that does not mean they do not continue to arise in the mind from the body. So if you want to talk about your sense of vulnerability, if you want to access your emotions, if you want to know the tenderness of your heart, if you want to be able to be friends, deep friends, with other men where you can share not only your conquests but your sorrows, and your pains, your needs and your uncertainties, it requires a great deal of trust, the kind of trust that does not come easily between men.

Men also tend to have difficulty in formulating their feelings. Even though the feelings are there, they can’t quite be formed in the mind. The capacity to formulate the feelings, to define them, to experience them with refinement, to be able to know what they are isn’t always so easy for men. Naturally, I am speaking in general terms. There are men who are very, very sensitive to their feelings, who are most refined, even more than many women. I am speaking in general terms for a vast majority and naturally not for every individual. But all of you have been in the company of many different men and you know well that for many men these things are true.

In spiritual life, great strengths allow men the mental clarity that results in the dissolution of ego and the reaching of sublime heights of intuitional subtlety and understanding. The male form is conducive to these great assets. They include strength, forcefulness, the capacity to forge ahead, clarity of mind, ability to detach from emotions, sentiments, or over-engagement with others and the world.

The liabilities of the male form lie in the lack of capacity to activate, articulate, experience, and open the heart, and the inability to be vulnerable. These are significant challenges in spiritual life. For it is in love and of love, it is from love that devotion or divine compassion or grace can be known, felt, experienced. When soldiers are standing at the gateways of the heart, no one may enter and the flood of grace, of unconditional love and compassion of the divine also cannot get through the barred door. To remove these bars, to allow the soldiers to relax and become little boys is sometimes difficult. It takes great trust. It takes great willingness to be brave in a very different way than is normally expected of men. It requires a great deal of bravery. For the woman it doesn’t require bravery; for her it is natural. But for men it requires great bravery because of the social norms and traditions. Those norms come from the genes, from the body, from the male position in the struggle for dominance and territory that come from the animal nature of the body. Even in the most sophisticated environments of the modern world, in the corporate environment and so forth we still see this struggle for dominance played out.

This male psychology of dominance has been paramount in the world for some thousands of years now and unfortunately it has reached a most imbalanced proportion. With the onset of Hitler this patriarchal archetype was expressed to an extreme. Anything can become demonical in its extreme. The matriarchal era also reached such an extreme and then it crumbled. The vaeshyan era of capitalism and its expressions of trade-oriented societies have become so extreme that it burdens the society as an illness. When anything goes to the extreme it becomes like this. So it has been with patriarchy. It reached such an extreme so as to produce the psychology of Hitler focusing entirely on dominance and conquest or the belief in ideas and ideologies of superior races, superior and inferior beings, and the commitment to these ideologies. But where is the heart in this? There is no heart in any of it. This was an extreme, an excess. Such excess is not balanced by the softness of love.

Now the world is changing and the feminine phase is rising. However, this does not mean the matriarchy is returning but rather that an equalization is being created between the masculine and feminine faces of manifestation. These are coming into equilibrium and when they come into balance in the society, then male and female individuals can balance thee two aspects of their own psyches. Gradually this balanced personality will become the norm. The male psyche and manifestation becomes more like the female; the female becomes more like the male because those two parts of the psyche are coming together.

In this, the man is more able to access the heart, to express vulnerability, to communicate, to define his feelings, and to make commitments of the heart and the female is more able to strengthen her mind and achieve clarity of thought. So when society begins to encourage this balance, it will come in the lives of the individuals as well. In spiritual life all these different qualities are needed. Certain qualities are enhanced by one’s physical form. Perhaps one has come in such a form to develop the qualities that were not as developed in past life. One cannot lead with the mind alone or with the heart alone. Both heart and mind are required to realize the Great.

For thousands of years, men have dominated the religious and spiritual institutions of the world. In most of the spiritual traditions, especially those traditions of the East, in the yogic tradition, in the Buddhist tradition, but also in the western tradition, in the Christian tradition there has been an adjustment to male psychology. Many spiritual practices, approaches, guidance and instruction are specifically designed for those in male form although they can be practiced by those in female form. They were developed by and for those in male form. So many practices are well-suited for those in male form.

It is only in today’s world, as the forces upon the planet are shifting and changing that even those in male form begin to question this emphasis on the male aspect and they ask, “What of myself? I want to feel my heart. I want to share with my brothers.” These feelings come now as they did not come twenty or thirty years ago to men. They come now because the forces upon the planet are changing and because the male and female are coming more into balance. That feminine side within is rising more to the surface in men, just as the stronger side is rising more to the surface in women. There is balance. A time of equilibrium and balance is approaching.

Unfortunately, in the effort to liberate women from oppression, many women have entered the workforce trying to live as men in the corporate world, in the work place, and it doesn’t help them at all. Nor does it help the family or the strength of the family. For women make ties between people and men rely upon women in their lives to create the social network, to make the ties. Perhaps in your own lives many of you will notice how you rely upon women to balance you and to make social and emotional ties. But when you are left with a group of men, you wonder, “Where are my social and emotional ties? Who is there to make it all smooth and comfortable?” You begin to see this reliance. However, what has happened in today’s world is that women have gone into the workforce on male terms and they have essentially become men. They wear a women’s form but they work their forty hours, have their tough life, become executives and essentially become men! They charge ahead and fight to be in the position of dominance and what happens? The children are in the day-care centers. The elderly mother is in the nursing home. The family is broken apart and in five years husband and wife are living separately because there are no soft women to hold them all together. She’s not making and weaving relationships rather she’s charging ahead to be on top of the heap! Due to this there has been tremendous breakdown in the structure of the human society, in the family structure, in the social network and all of the structuring within the society. At the same time, men have become confused. “What is my role?”

Human beings need interconnectedness. Men need it as much as women though for most men the ability to weave social relationships is not their strength. Some are very good, but for most it is more difficult. For women it comes more naturally because of their close relationship with children. The skills come from biological makeup. Though men and women may both have the same skills, it is the women who tend to form attachments to home and family and children. They bring the men in and provide a soft home and a safe haven and they rely upon the strength of their husbands.

Men also rely upon the emotional safety and nurturance they receive from their wives, girlfriends, or female friends. Many times they feel they can confide what they cannot tell another man due to that fundamental sense of competition. It takes great courage for a man to delve into the heart, to be open, to expose their gentle side, their vulnerable side, especially to other men. How can you be vulnerable and open with your competitor? These things are instinctual, from the body. It takes a discriminating mind and an understanding of the biological basis in the body to overcome this. For some men these instincts are stronger than for others.

In spiritual life, both heart and mind must be engaged. It is only by facing all of these vulnerabilities, these tears, these pains and sorrows of the heart that the real strength, the real viira is gained. Those men who want to fight the inner lion rather than the outer one will have to come armed not only with the sword of discrimination and the shield of truth but with the heart of a lion. To have the heart of a lion you must be willing to be consumed, to face the inner lions, to bring your strength and your love together. For spiritual progress for those in male form requires the heart and the sentiment of devotion, not of duty and loyalty, those are fine, but from a deep devotional love for Parama Purusha, not only a detached love for the remote idea of Self but a willingness to feel all the pain and vulnerability, a willingness to know and define one’s own feelings, to be sensitive to one’s own feelings and to the feelings of others. One must learn to be kind and caring, to be all compassionate, not only with women, but with men as well.

With the development of compassion, the mind grows in magnitude. Surpassing the limitations imposed by the physical structure, it moves into the transcendent beyond female, beyond male. There are no differentiations based in form. There all beings are One.

People come together in many, many different ways. There is no one ideal. In India, an astrologer hired by the parents makes a match. The two young people may not even know each other beforehand. For thousands of years, it has been done in this way. They meet each other afterwards and they learn to live together. They have made a commitment, like it or not, so they learn to live together. And many very happy marriages have come from this. Really speaking it can work quite successfully though I suppose it is better to marry for love because there are also some very unhappy situations. Still many fine and happy marriages have come from commitment that turned into love. Better yet to marry for love using a little intelligence and making a firm commitment. What is not beneficial at all is to be in love but without commitment. To be absolutely frank, it is much easier for a man to enter into such a relationship with love but no commitment. Generally speaking, it is more difficult for the male to make that commitment along with love. But for the female, when love is there but not the commitment, she finds the situation less appealing. Naturally, in the practical sense, she must always face the possibility of pregnancy and it is no good to be left with a baby and no husband. So commitment is a good thing.

A solid relationship has two aspects. One is love; the other is commitment. Together such a relationship provides shelter for both parties because they are both safe. When there is no commitment, the feeling of love always fluctuates, “Well, maybe I love you. I’ll let you know. But of course, I won’t let you know too much because then you’ll have something over me and then you can walk out the door and I won’t be so cool any more. I’ll be in tears!” No one wants to be in this situation. So naturally, you say, “Oh I love you, sort of.” Then you try to get the partner to need you more than you need them and you go back and forth like this. It’s a mess! No one feels safe. So love, devoid of commitment, produces this type of difficult situation. But when there is commitment and love, then both people are saying, “Alright. I know I’m safe. Game’s over. I can just admit it. I love you. I am here and I am vulnerable.” When both people are in the same boat, then it’s all right. They’re both safe. So commitment and love must go together or else it creates a very difficult situation.

Many times in today’s world they are not found together. That becomes a problem for both parties. For the people’s sentiments must be protected. That is one point I will make regarding relationship regarding the best way for men and women to be together. It is only in love and commitment. How that looks may vary greatly depending on the temperament of both individuals. How they come together may vary greatly depending on their temperament and the culture. Their marriage may be arranged. They may meet on the Internet. The range is great. They may join a dating club. They may go to the same yoga class. Many are the ways that people come together. But when together it must be with this likeness of intent. However, in today’s world, particularly with younger people, many times they say, “Oh, I’m just experimenting. So I guess you are an experiment!” Who wants to be someone’s experiment? This type of approach has great limitation. The other approach is, “I don’t believe in commitment. I just want to have fun.” But never knowing when you are safe and never being able to really open your heart isn’t fun at all. It is a wounding in the heart that requires a kind of protection and so a fence goes up around the heart and then if that isn’t enough, then some steel walls! They make the statement, “I don’t believe in commitment. I just want to have fun.” But they stay behind the walls. In eastern culture they have those walls. There are women who forever stay behind walls, dressed in purdah. But others also stay behind walls. They keep their heart behind a wall. They appear to be free and loose but really they are staying behind a wall. You will find women like this today. Perhaps you have met some. They stay behind their walls. They are in purdah. They come out. Physically they appear to be available but really they’re staying behind the wall. They don’t trust any men. So the best way for men and women to be together is to come out from behind the walls, to bare the heart in love and to treat each other with utmost dignity and respect by making a commitment in love.

The hearts of human beings are very tender, very vulnerable; they must be nurtured, protected, and made to be bright and whole. Each and every one longs for love, each and every one wants to feel the grace of love in their life. Deeply speaking, really speaking, each and every one is longing for the dissolution of that separateness that comes from maya, from ignorance, avidya, that creates this sense of ‘I” and “mine,” this apartness from all else. Each and every one longs for the dissolution of their sense of separateness. Each longs for the unity of Self and this longing takes so many different expressions. But all long for the reunion of the little self and the One whole, of the lover and the beloved, of the humanity and the divinity. This is not a matter for the mind alone. It is a matter of the heart. Through one’s clear thinking, clarity of mind, equanimity of mind, one may open the doors behind which the heart is locked and tear down the senses and the self-defense, touch the soldiers at the door and turn them into little boys, innocent, pure-hearted and charming.

Can you be an innocent boy? Open? Full of heart? Vulnerable? Playful? Innocent? Can you let the soldiers stand down? Forego your defenses? Be that innocent child, the young boy, sweet, and unpretentious? Can you let yourself feel your vulnerability? The tears? The meanings of the heart? Can you let yourself define your emotions? Truly experience them? Face your feelings? Your vulnerability? Go deep into the heart. At the very heart’s core, there find the love that is radiant; there find the compassion that wells like water from the ground spring. It wells within the ground spring of the heart, the waters of love divine, the divine nectar, the healing waters of the heart’s well. These waters heal all wounds. This healing comes through experiencing one’s vulnerability, letting in the pain, letting in the tears, the sorrows, taking down the defensive perimeters of the heart, letting oneself experience all the feelings fully without restriction. In the depths of your heart find the waters of unconditional love, the overwhelming flood of compassion, the flow of infinitely benevolent love. This divine well springs from the very core of your own heart, caressing, caring for you in your most vulnerable state. Allow the unconditioned and unconditional love of the supreme to wash over you, to emerge from your own heart. Let it heal and guide you. Guru cannot be known simply with the mind but in the deep well of the heart, there guru abides. Guru abides in those deep waters where love cannot be divided, where all the pains and sorrows and burdens you have carried are opened, revealed, and washed with the waters of divine love. There in the deep well of the heart’s cavern, the sadhu sits by the water’s edge and the eternal OM resounds endlessly. There the mind dissolves all of its thoughts, all of its pretences. These waters in the depths of the heart’s cave become your home of homes. Love has many forms. Divinity exists in the formless but also in the forms of all beings.

Q. I’m wondering is there a way to be respectful to women and yet enjoy that attraction with the sexual component there? And also how to fully utilize one’s sexual energy in the best spiritual interests of other people, to really appreciate and not deny that energy but utilize it in a constructive way?

First of all, remember that it is important that these two components, love and commitment, be present if one is to utilize those energies. The tantras have given certain practices and they can be helpful but only in a committed relationship. The most important thing is to see one’s spouse as divine, to see the divinity in the other. Or even if it is a casual attraction, remember that divinity. “Oh, the Lord has come in this feminine form and I feel this attraction of body and mind.” There must be a sense of respect for the divinity within the form because remember that the divine is manifest in all forms and seeing the form, the aspirant says, “The Lord has come in this form to be pleasing to me. It is the grace of the Lord to come to me thus.” With this ideation, one’s psychology will be transformed.

If a relationship should come about and there is love and commitment, then it is important to constantly see the divine being in one’s spouse, in one’s lover, to see that the divinity has taken form to be with you. In that approach, one feels the divine presence within, without, and all surrounding. In this way, the sexual experience becomes transmuted, uplifted into spiritual experience and the sexual energy becomes focused upward, towards the divinity.

In the male psychology this is a tremendously important aspect in spiritual life because the sexual urge is very strong, particularly in younger years and the capacity to bring that sexual force upward, to redirect that force from extroversion to introversion, to bring the ojas, the vital prana, up in the body towards the divinity is enormously significant. This can be done through madhuvidya, through ideation upon the Great, through seeing the divine Lord at all times. If one is in partnership, in a relationship, through seeing the divinity in the partner so that even when there is external expression of sexual force, the mind remains ever internally focused. For inner and outer are illusions. There is no inner and no outer. There is only the Self of all, there is only the divine being.

When this divinity becomes seen and touched, then one feels, “I am in the presence of my Lord.” In a relationship when this type of experience comes one feels overawed, “The Lord has graced me and has come to me in the form of the divine mother as my partner.” Then the experi­ence becomes not merely a sexual experience but a transcendent experience. So in the marriage and in one’s sadhana there must always be an effort to redirect that crude force into the divine force. One must not dissipate one’s psychic energy and one’s strength. This is an important element of Brahma sadhana. This is done by following madhuvidya and brahmacharya.

Q. You speak of women who become more like men in the corporate world. Most of my life I’ve run into this type of woman and it is a challenge to be with them, a challenge for them to see who’s going to be on top of the heap. I’ve met a lot of women where they seem to want me to be a male but yet they won’t let me. They’re playing out that role.

Yes. It is due to fear that they feel they cannot trust you. They cannot trust any man. It is due to fear. The hearts of women are wounded and they are afraid to be soft and vulnerable just as men are afraid. It is a difficult time in this western world and you are correct in your perception. The solutions are not so easy. Each person must discover himself or herself, and know the wounds of their own heart, and find their safe shelter. A woman wants this safe shelter, but safety requires love and commitment. They want this from you but they don’t trust you to be true to your commitment. So that is why the problem is there and it is not necessarily anything you have done. It is there in the culture. But it is something that can be discussed by those in relationships and explored.

Now today, a new day approaches when there will be dominance by neither men nor women. Patriarchy is declining and women are coming to the front with their kindness and soft hearts. This is required today so that there is tempering of the manliness with the softness of the wives as their voices grow stronger. In the balance between those mental tendencies dominant in male forms and those dominant in female forms comes a balance for the human race in which a true human society may be established. Even in matriarchy there was much oppression and prejudice against certain men and the matriarchal system also has failings in its approach. But with the onset of a balanced approach between male tendencies and female tendencies where both are honored and have their place, side by side, there is greater health in the human society. When the sweet kindness of women and their nurturing ways are suppressed, society will be out of balance. If the strength and courage of the men is not appreciated, society will be out of balance. Both must have their place. Both must have recognition. Only then may a true and balanced human society exist.