4.1.4 relationships

Sexual involvment

December 15, 1995

Q: What is the impact of sexual involvement, if one is not in tune with it? Examples: In a loving relationship is it better not to engage in sexual act at all, if both partners do not have the same flow, so that one of them is just trying not to hurt the other by refusing? Or in a marriage where one person has alltogether lost his/her onterest in sexual activity, should he/she still try to please the other by agreeing to have sex with him/her?

     This is a very delicated and personla matter between the parties involved. But I will say this much: No one should engatge in sexual acts out of obligation. There should be desire. If it is not there, perhaps that two people should discuss the problem, perhaps that one partner is not sexually skilled and cannot gain the interest of his or her spouse and so the problem has a reason. If that is the case, it must be openly discussed and corrected measures taken, read the book, attend the class. If you will be in a sexual relation, you must learn to be a partner, for sexuality is not an obligation, it is a partnership and in a true sexual relation there should be a deep opening of body, heart and mind to the infinite. if there is inhibition in this process, it should be openly discussed between the couple and the sloution sought. However I will say, if a man and woman are married and she is refusing him on a regular basis, then they must discuss and if she continues to refuse, he is free to take a wife. A man should not refused in  marriage. It is harmful for his manliness, but it may be he is not approaching wife in a proper way, so this must be discussed and the....is needed it should be sought. As for the wife, if there is a vital relation, no true man will refuse a woman. Now the motion of celebacy and desire to lead a celebate life may come in marriage for spiritual purpose, but I would say: in general married persons are better off to understand sexuality in its deeper context and practice sexuality as a spiritual sadhana utilizing techniques known for that purpose than to live celebate life together.  Though it may be done, it is not recommended to be celebate in mariiage, particularly if it is not mutual agreement. If one decides, I will be celebate and the other is wanting contact ,then there is difficulty and damage may be done to the one who is wanting sexual contact. It should not be done like this. I do not care for this, I am discouraging it.

If a person wnats to raise spiritual energies but they are married, they can make sexuality a spiritual function, utilizing practices to that end and worshipping their spouse as a god or goddess. If both parties mutually decide to be celebate, then it is a different matter and in certain circumstance may be quite successful, but if one party decide and withdraws from the marital relation, then that may be damaging to the second person and I do not care for it. If they want to dissolve the marriage and become sannyasins they must make open decision and it should be fully discussed then they should contribute lifelong to the welfare of the spouse they have renounced, but they should not stay under the pretext of the marriage. If they harm that person, let the person have opportunity to have a new spouse if the one is wanting to be sannyasin. All right!