4.1.7.1 emotional healing/therapies

Sexual abuse and its correction

December 15, 1995

Q: Why is it that sexual abuse like rape and incest seems to harm the victim psychically much more than other types of violence psychic or physical? Is it damaging to some subtle energy field?     

     These crimes of a sexual nature have a deep impact upon the psyche of the victim because they are a violation of one's sense of self. When such an aggression is made upon a person, that person feels that their very essence has been violated because of the intimate personal contact. This is why it is so damaging and traumatic. Now I would add that most victims of sexual crimes are also victims of violence. For the act is done against the will of the person or they are manipulated to cooperate due to threat. Therefore it is a violent crime in most cases. And this violence is very intimate. It penetrates into the person and causes a psychic disruption because it has made them helpless in a very intimate way. This type of crime is most devastating when violence is applied. The victim cannot rid themselves of the violation. Body is affected, mind is affected and spirit is affected. The disruption of subtle body comes due to psychic disturbance. This psychic disturbance is a result of violence that is so intimately experienced or in the case of incest the sense of violation even if violence is not applied. Because of this experience of violation, there arises in the mind the feeling of helplessness and then all of the compensating emotions. But even with all of these compensations, the damage cannot be undone, the self esteem goes down. The feeling of power over one's own existence becomes shattered and negative results ensue. There may be guilt, there may be anger and violence, there may be self-destruction or violent behavior as a result. Many times the girl will become overly flirtatious and sexually provocative in order to compensate for her fear. But at the base of all of these compensations is a feeling of helplessness and the accompanying trauma. The person cannot prevent what is occurring and the violation is very intimate. Therefore the degree of impact is also very much.     

     Now I would say, if a person wishes to heal themselves from such a violent experience, it is best to go to the root of the problem and not to become engaged in compensation. It is advisable to seek out means to gain self awareness and knowledge so that this sense of violation and helplessness does not go on and on. It can be healed if it is addressed directly through self awareness. Sadhana, along with cognition of the problem, may be very beneficial. The person must recognize that they are more than the body and that what they are cannot be touched or affected by any violation no matter how intimate. For they are the brilliant light of the divine being manifest in a human form. When this identity is understood, then the sense of violation and helplessness will go away forever. These bodies are like clothes, we put them on for a time and then when they are worn we discard them and put on a new covering. If a tatter is made in the sleeve of the garment, what of it? It is only a garment, not you. This approach, this psychology will do much to heal the victim of rape and incest. So you know there should be a training program for therapists working with molestation victims that they should come to understand this type of treatment, that they should find practical methods for applying it so that these women and girls may dis-identify with the experience and find their strength and power in their spirit. That way they will not need to do so many psychological compensations. It is a result of an inability to detach from the physical intimacy and thus to resolve the sense of violation that is so physically personal. Alright?  

Q: Can you tell about the process of healing in the case of sexual abuse? What role does the external expression of anger or other negative feelings play after suppressing those feelings for years? For healing to happen how important is it for the person to forgive the abuser?

     As I have said these negative feelings guilt shame anger hatred self-hatred, they are all the result of an inability to dis-identify with the experience. That is to say they are compensations for the unresolved feelings of helplessness in the face of violation. Now suppression of this experience also does not help and over time these compensations may grow rather than decrease. If the experience is suppressed. Suppression is no solution. There must be cognitive awareness but that alone will not resolve the problem. Now the true resolution lies not in suppression, not in compensation, not even in forgiveness but in finding an expanded sense of self which defines one's sense of existence in a broader sphere, in a deeper way so that one is beyond the reach of physical violation or even psychic violation, that one's sense of identity, one's sense of self exists independent of these. That is why identification with the pure beatitude of the infinite being is the best solution to these problems. So openly face what has happened but recognize that you are not this body, not even are you this mind. You are the beautiful, radiant expression of divinity which has manifest a human form and a human mind. You cannot be tainted by these experiences. When this realization comes these experiences of violation become something apart from the beatitude of self. Merely another experience in the world. When this difference in identification occurs then the person will be able to look at all the tragedy of human existence including this experience with compassion and detachment knowing it is a part and parcel of this mundane existence. When this occurs, there is no reason to hate the one who performed the transgression for it is clear they have acted out of their own pain and delusion and that they are caught in this agony. They are already in suffering and in darkness. Why hate them? But they must be prevented from spreading this darkness should they have the opportunity. So they must be stopped, legal action taken when needed, but not with hatred. It is not so simple as merely to forgive the transgressor. What is required is the adaption of identification with a larger consciousness and the great compassion for the pain of all living beings which that divine entity has. When a person adopts this approach, then all reactions of the mind which may be established due to this violation will dissolve and the persons clear discriminating intellect will be able to utilize this experience for their own benefit to gain wisdom and depth and with that wisdom, to love all living beings much more completely. So you see even this tragedy may be turned to the advantage if taken properly.     

     I would like that there be a training center in which women may be given opportunity to heal from incest and rape and those women and men who would work with such victims be properly trained. So you see, in this way, with a combination of therapeutic assistance, spiritual guidance, sadhana and service to others, a woman undergoing treatment for one year may make a permanent transformation in her life for the better and she may be better off than before the experience. Girls who have been abused for many years will take more time but with careful guidance over time even such girls may become completely healed and brought to a new life. But this would be best done in a sheltered environment at first. So that they may have proper outlet as the forces of the psyche may be already set in motion and will take some effort to channel in a proper direction. Such girls will need much environmental support at first.

     Now I think I have covered this question.

Q: What should be proper measures to correct the abuser? What is the real cause behind the abuse; sometimes it looks like that an earlier experience of being a victim him/herself.

     The best method for correction of most sexual offenders is psychological assistance along with confinement. Because, there are those who are sexual offenders, who given the opportunity, they will again do the crime. So they should be removed from temptation and then undergo psychological treatment for their difficulty, until such a time as they are deem to have some control over their behaviour, and if those wgo are assisting them come to judge that they are in control, then they may be again free to roam on their own. But they should be carefully monitored to make certain that they maintain themselves and do not degenerate.

     When they have and (?) they should continue in their psychological treatment. This is true for the penetrators of incest and for those who molest, those who utilze violence in particular must be carefully watched. And those who do sexual crimes which are known to be difficult to refrain from, must also be carefully watched. For example, those men who are attracted to children should not be allowed around children. They should be kept from the children once it is clearly established that they have this difficulty. They must be in the treatment and kept from the children. And as the treatment progresses more and more freedom may be given, but still they must be carefully monitored to protect children from their psychological disposition. So this kind of treatment with sexual offenders will be the most effective. The avoidance of temptations through confinement or other means of blocking the person from opportunity to engage in the crime and psychological treatment and to the point where the person may understand the damage that is done to another and the reasons why they are doing  and may come to see what itbis they are needing in their life that perhaps they are hurting another for some inner psychological reasons. But they should not be allowed to be in the situations where they are tempted to repeat the crime and to harm again helpless individual who may for....to the difficulties.

     So in this way, perpetrators of sexual crimes may be rehabilitated and there should be centers, they should not go to the regular prison. There shoud be centers specifically for sexual offenders where they may have confinement or they may have treatment programs; both should be there, both confinement nad treatment progrmas for those who may go in the community. May be they will live there, but go out during the day to work and then there may be the third stage of treatment where they will live at home, but they will come for treatment each day or some days per week. So different stages of treatment should be there, from confinement to treatments, weekly treatments and inbetween prgrams. And there shoud be one center that strictly works with the sexual offencers. They should not go to into the prison with the robbers and men and women who have committed these types of cirmes. They shoudl be treated in a separate facility, strictly for their type of criminal acts with experts in the sexual offenses to give them proper therepeutic assistance. In this way these people may be rehabilitated to enter the society and the number of sexual crimes will go down.

     Also there are certain stadnards in the society that promote in certain individuals who are susceptible to sexual crimes and these values of society must be reexamined so that it becomes less common that these crimes should occurr. One thing is that many people do not realize that male hormones are effective in sexual crivmes and there are those who will need hormone therapies in addition to other treatments, because the male hormones may be in excess causing agressiveness, violence and sexual needs. So problem may be spuchological but may also be hormonal. Both must be treated. There should be physiological work-up as well as psychological nad hormone therapies for those who show excess testesterone and you will notice the change in these nmen. Their agressiveness will go down. For some men the manliness becomes perverted, not only due to early injuries and psychological wounds but also due to physiological disturbances. They become dogs. They must be confined and treatment given, not only psychological but physiological as well until their temperaments become sweet.

     Now there are other men who due to suppression of the manliness become sexually agressive. That is to say their manliness is not getting full expression in their lives and they come to resent women. Many culture biases may add to this. Resenting women, they will perpetuate crimes upon them to prove their manliness of which they are uncertain. Now these men should be given scope to realize their manly strength in other ways and show them correlation between the suppression of manliness and sexual aggression. Their confidence should be enhanced in other ways while they are closely monitored, to make certain they do not revert to old patterns. In this way therepautic treatment may be given to those who commit sexual crimes. They should not be allowed to run free untreated to again repeat the crimes. To punish the offender for one year, five years and then to let them out again with no treatment is useless act. it will only be more human suffering and there is a high likelihood that they will turn around and do sexual violence to yet another. This is no treatment at all. The center should be established for the treatment of sexual offenders, let them heal and then be released, not thrown out into the society as they were or perhaps even worse. This is a criminal act. They are bound to loose control and they cannot be blamed if they have not been given assistance. It is the fault of the society for not treating them for their difficulty. They should not go in the prison with the others. They must be treated in a separate facility, designed specifically for sexual offenders as their crime has a biological and psychological defect at its origin. Is that sufficient?

Q: In the case of childhood incest it is often not possible to prove anything later. In some cases it is suspected that the person is making up the story of sexual abuse. Is it common that these painful but vivid memories come from some previous life time or that they are imposed by some other source like the therapist?

     This is a very goodpoint. it is a serious matter to accuse someone of molesting a child. So these memories are brought to bear through the hypnosis. You cannot under normal circumstance be considered evidence unless there is some other memory or circumstance to prove of what is being recalled. Under hypnosis many things can nappen, old memories may come to the front, but they may not be from this life. They may be from the past in another life, but when they are recalled in the hypnosis, this life is associated with these memories and then the father or another may be accused wrongly. This is a bitter and serious thing. It should not be done on these memories alone as they may not be entirely accurate, they may be superimposed from the previous life into the names and experiences of this life. It can be highly deceptive, so psychological impact might be there, but circumstance and recall may be not correct. Many lives have been lived, as you change the clothes on the body, so you change the bodies from life to life as you grow and develop. Many lives are there, you may not recall them but if there is  a painful trauma it may bleed through the presence, both an emotional impact and the images, but it is very likely that the images used will be familiar ones from this life, though the actual trauma is in different setting, in a different life. So psychologically you may work with it, the same as the trauma of this life, but do not be so certain that it is the people of your childhood unless there is concrete evidence to support that assumption from outside circumstance or memories not assiciated with hypnosis.

     In the full blossom of her body and mind she may manifest the love and strength of the mother. So you see this damage to women is pervasive. This violence done to some is only its crudest (?) expression.