Marriage Relationship

February 3, 1992

     If husband is considerate of her sentiments, if he is concerned for her welfare, then it is the duty of wife to have a yielding approach with her husband. In many marriages, this relationship can be had, but in others, it may be difficult. If the husband is abusive, if he beats his wife, how can she be expected to acquiesce? Her obedience will stem from fear.  'Will he hurt me, will he harm my children?' This is tyranny and crime.  Such men do not earn the loving surrender of a woman. A woman faced with this must think first for her own welfare and that of her children.  So in some marriages, this ideal cannot be expressed. In other cases, it may be that the husband is not physically abusive, but he is self-centered. He does not consider the welfare of his wife. He may blatantly ignore her concerns and mistreat her in psychic sphere. Again in this circumstance, surrender to the wishes of husband is not warranted.  Such a wife may not live in fear, but her wounded sentiments constrict her ability to give her whole-hearted devotion to her husband. She should not be expected to give what she does not feel. So there are situations in which yielding approach to husband is not possible. Yet in many marriages this ideal can be realized.

     A yielding approach means that in a marriage with a loving husband, wife should respectfully adhere to his request whenever possible.  If she has a conflicting opinion, she must state it, she need not suppress her opinions.  But she should heed her husband. Likewise, he must take her opinions and her sentiments seriously with utmost consideration.  He must not ignore her thoughts or feelings.  Yet in family he will have the final say.

Nirmegha's comment:     Ba'ba' this is patriarchy.

     This is not patriarchy.  I am not advocating the dominance of men.  There is a balance between men and women. That balance must be understood. Neither men nor women should be suppressed. Only their characteristics are different and so their expression may differ. As I have said, a woman may be yielding with her husband, but this does not mean she should have this approach with other men. She should not lower her eyes in submission nor should she withhold her opinions. In the work, in the political sphere, in all areas she must be bold and bring her thoughts and feelings to the front. She need not demure to men. But in the home, it is somewhat different.

     Yes, yes you are not liking, but you will give it regardless.  I am not advocating the suppression of women.  I am advocating their release from tyranny. I am advocating an end to violence against women. I am advocating the economic and political rise of women, but I am not advocating that women become masculine in their approach. Their wealth and greatness lay within their feminine approach.

     So what is needed is to understand this approach and to adopt a feminine approach to solving these issues. They will not be resolved by masculine approach. The love and softness of women can be a mighty force. Women have ruled this earth.  They have lived without suppression and they will live so again. But still, a yielding approach with a loyal husband is a good psychology.